Thoughts of the Day this month are part of a special series in Epiphanytide, the time between Epiphany Sunday and Lent, during which we hear gospel stories of the growing faith of the disciples and of the revelation that Jesus is truly the son of God.
To mark this time, members of our congregation share stories of their own faith journeys and Epiphany moments that have inspired them and drawn them deeper into faith.
Thought and Prayer for the Day
by
Josie Newman
My relationship with God began at a very early age. I was raised in this church, All Saints, and by my Christian parents who met at Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship, a student Christian fellowship group, at University of Toronto. My father then became an Anglican minister.
I knew from an early age about the love of Jesus, and his desire to have a relationship with us. My favourite song was ‘Yes Jesus Loves Me’. The stories and images of such well known Biblical stories, like Noah’s Ark, Moses leading the Israelites across the Red Sea, and the boy whose five loaves and two fishes were used by Jesus to feed thousands, loomed very large in my mind.
I also attended a Christian camp; Pioneer Camp, in Port Sydney, Ontario, where the campers learned first hand about God’s love on the blue waters of the lake and in the forests of northern Ontario. It was there, as an adolescent girl, I committed my life to Christ.
The entire time I was learning about Jesus, another contradictory story was going on, though. Similar to many families, mine was extremely dysfunctional with many emotional crises and was often not as loving as I needed. So when I became a teenager, anxiety, anger, and depression became more frequent companions than Jesus. Once I finally entered university and was not under the scrutiny of my parents’ control, I went on a tangent of rebellious behavior because of the abuse I had suffered as a child. I also stopped going to church for several years. Sometimes, late at night while driving home after a party, I would wonder what would happen to me if I got into an accident. Where would I go now? Heaven or Hell? I pushed the thought away but I knew very well that I was not on the right trajectory and was in rebellion against God.
Several more years passed. I fell in love and got engaged, presuming that my fiancee and I would have a long and happy life together. That whole dream was upended when he he threw me against the wall and I called the police. After the wedding was cancelled, I was unable to control my emotions and eventually got so depressed, I signed myself into the psych ward of the hospital. Despite talking to the psychiatrist daily and talking to other people in the ward, I still felt mired in my sea of depression. The only thing that gave me peace was reading the Bible. I devoured the letters of Paul to John. Verses such as 1 John 4:16 : “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him,” and others sustained me and helped me believe in a different reality than the one I was experiencing.
This was not enough for God, though. He wanted me to know beyond a shadow of a doubt of his deep love and the security I could find in Him and no one else. I found peace in visiting the hospital chapel every day — it was quiet and I could reflect on the Lord. While sitting quietly in the chapel one day looking at the stained glass windows, I heard an audible voice speak. “I am come that you might have life, and have it in abundance” (John 10:10). I was so startled because I was alone in the chapel. Then I realized the Lord was speaking directly to me and my broken heart. He was telling me that he wanted me to have the abundant life he desires for all of us.
I fully committed myself to Jesus that day, and have never regretted it. I have since had many problems and disappointments and betrayals by people, but the Lord has always been there for me. I invite everybody to immerse yourselves in the abundant life He intends for us, made possible through His incredible unending love!
Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your incredible and true love. You are the perfect Father for all of us. Thank you for the gift of your Son Jesus Christ, our Savior and most understanding of friends. Thank you for the gift of your Holy Spirit, the Comforter, who is always present for us to guide, comfort and instruct us. In Christ’s precious name we pray. Amen.
